November 20th, 2015

Well, his leave was approved. I was happy about that. Till now. Now it’s like the worst news ever. It’s like knowing it got approved and probably not being able to see him breaks me in ways that I never thought I could be hurt. It hurts so much and I just wish I could rip him out of my heart. Before, knowing he was away made the sting of not seeing him less painful but now, knowing his leave got approved just hurts. He doesn’t care whether he sees me or not. I guess I’m still living in that fantasy world where he cares about me and loves me. I need to snap myself out of this funk. I need to get over him. I need to rip a part of my heart out and pretend I’m okay with losing him for good. It stresses me out knowing the guy I love doesn’t love me back. I’m numb at this point and I have no idea what to do…

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